Eye Opener

                      When you realized how important life really is you start to cherish every moment with the people you love

           One of the most meaningful experiences I have had as an adult has to be when my nephew was in a car accident. Last summer it all started with a phone call at six in the morning, from my mom crying and barley able to speak. All I heard my mom mumble was “Gavin is in ICU” Gavin is my eight year old nephew and I have been a big part in his life since birth, also my brother and our family have been having custody issues. When I arrived at Texas Children’s Hospital his mother started to explain that they were hit by a drunk driver. While at a red light the drunk driver was exiting the freeway and slammed into the back of her car. Everyone got out of the mangled car except my nephew he was trapped on the floor board between the seats. The fire fighter had to use the Jaws of Life to cut him free from the car. He was then taken by life flight to Texas Children's Hospital in downtown Houston.

           My poor nephews fore head was clasped as well as his right eye socket he went through several hours of facial reconstructive surgery. Thank god there was no brain damage only minor damage and swelling to his frontal lobe. Hours after his surgery he was talking and within four days he was walking around. 

           Gavin now only has a scar from ear to ear and now brags about how tough he is because of it. This experience changed me in multiple ways by, teaching me to cherish my family and to stop taking life for granted. While sitting in that ICU waiting room I realized that nothing mattered to me every problem, stress, and drama I had before this seemed so small and petty. Experiences like this make you see what is really important in life. This event changed my perspective on life I now see that someone you love can be taken away from you in a drop of a dime. So I learned to value the time with people I love and be thankful for the life I have. My family became even closer after almost losing my nephew. Finally, we realized that all that fighting over him and visitation problems did not matter all that really mattered was he still alive. Through this tragic nightmare my family and I were able to see the big picture that life is fragile treasure the people you care for the most. They say kids heal faster than adults, boy that is true!

Research paper

For my research paper I plan to expand my first essay on my analytical response to the novel stitches. I want to explain the effects on children growing up with a mentally ill mother, and how mental illnesses can affect the parent’s ability to provide a good environment for their children. I plan on revising my stitches essay by proving that children dealing with a mentally ill mother have more life problems and face more discrimination. I plan to prove that not all children follow in the same footsteps as their parents. Some children with mentally ill mothers do not always end up with the same mental illness as their mother. I will prove that some children take a different route in life turning their bad situation into something good. In my first essay I discussed how David’s dysfunctional upbringing allowed him to undergo self discovery, and find his inner voice. With my research I want to discuss the difficulties with living with a mother suffering from a mental illness. I will talk about the neglect and abuse David went through due to his mother’s illness and careless mistakes. I will begin to expand my essay, but first I will need to revise the original stitches essay by fixing comma splices and run on sentences. 

          I found a couple of article one is the “Experiences of motherhood when suffering from mental illness” from the International Journal of Mental Health. I want to expand my stitches essay by explaining how difficult it is growing up with a mentally unstable parent. I will prove that David Small’s mother actions were caused by her untreated mental illness and her own dark past. I found a passage that would help support my statement it reads, “There is strong evidence that mothers with mental illness struggle with conflicting and distressing feelings, due to dual demands related to motherhood and the challenges of living with mental illness” (Abrams & Curran 2009; Rørtveit et al. 2010).

What happens Next

 After reading the assigned poems from 180 more by Billy Collins, two demanded my attention and addressed similar themes of the unknown “Painting a Room” and “In the rear-view mirror”. Not only did the two poems have the same unknown characteristics but both have a sense of someone leaving or moving on. Both poems have unique way of describing the feelings a person has when coming to terms on leaving or moving to different stages in their life. I believe everyone has this depressing feeling overcome them when leaving a loved one or your mother and father. Some people feel the same sort of sadness when moving out of a home or apartment. Especially after living in a home for more than ten years you have a tear-jerking feeling or almost heartbreaking to move out. Different aspects in each poem were similar from the narrator’s way of leaving out what happens next, also the feel of someone moving away or leaving something behind.

 In the poem “painting a room” a woman is crying while painting her apartment before she moves out to start a new beginning. In the poem the narrator makes you feel that the woman painting her apartment has had his fair share of hardship. The 14^th sentences states “Ten years of fears, unrequited loves, odd jobs, of night phone calls. Now they’ve disconnected the line.”(14-15) this tells the reader that this person has been through several heartaches and multiple relationships throughout her ten years in the apartment. I believe she is sad while she is painting overall; she is leaving her past in the freshly painted room.

In addition, the poem “In the rear-view mirror” the man or woman is driving away while watching his family disappear in the rear-view mirror of their car. The poems depicts that the road is your life and the rear-view mirror is your past and the front windshield is your future. In both poems someone is leaving and they do not know what is in the future for them. The poem states “. . . Nothing but empty road. Ahead of you are towns where you will never know a soul, exits following exits you will pass. . .” (13-14) This tells the reader that the opportunities ahead of the driver are unknown but, the outlook on their life is unlimited. While reading this poem notice the way the narrator refers to her memory as “higher-powered reflective instrument” that she can use to remember her loved one she left behind in her rear-view mirror.

Overall, both poems have a way of teasing the reader by not informing what the future beholds. These two poems show that it is hard to embrace the unknown, fear of change, and the future. Where did the person driving in the car go? What happened to the woman that was painting her apartment? The odd way the narrator is leaving it up to the reader intrigues me. It gives you the freedom to make up your own happy ending and imagine what happens next.

Slow Death

While reading the book of poetry 180 more the poem “Slowly” caused me to feel a little uncomfortable and confused.  The poem basically describes a young child and her classmates watching a snake eat a rabbit. Also the poem describes how fascinated the children were by how slow the snake was swallowing the rabbit. The author is a woman that may have lost a family member or she might have issues with death.  By the way the author is expressing how amazed she was by the death of the rabbit. My first thought while reading this poem who would write a poem about a snake eating a rabbit? Maybe the author scared by this odd childhood memory? Or does the author have these vivid memories because she was shocked by the sad reality of Mother Nature?  The fifth stanza states “saying we couldn’t look, but looking, weren’t we held there, weren’t we. . .” She describes not wanting to watch but not being able to look away. She was almost stuck in a daze by watching the snake slowly devouring the helpless rabbit. Maybe the author was emotionally damaged by this experience? To some people watching a snake eat might be fascinating, but to me it is sad and not something I would want to watch. Reading this poem reminded me of an old childhood memory of my dog eating a cat. I was only five years old and I remember how upset I was and how it scared me. Maybe the author was scared by this experience?

In addition, a couple of negative aspects that bothered me were the author’s visual details on how “Its head clenched in the wide jaws of the snake, the snake sucking it down its long throat.” This made me cringe to think of a little rabbit’s head inside the mouth of a creepy snake. Why is the author writing a poem about death? Is the author an animal lover? Or does the author feel bad for the rabbit? On the other hand she seems to be almost intrigued by the gruesome sight of the snake swallowing the rabbit slowly. I understand that it is a neat experience to watch a snake eat, but to be fascinated by it is going too far. I did not understand why the author was an intrigued at first but then sad when she realized the rabbit was dead.

Overall, my understanding of this poem is that the young girls were captivated by the snake’s natural instinct to attack and swallow their prey. In a way the girls do not like it, but still stared with interest. In the poem the author states “. . . The way that snake took its time (all the girls, groaning, shrieking but weren’t we amazed, fascinated. . .” This depicts that the girls were mesmerized by the snakes natural ability to swallow their prey whole.  However, the last stanza in the poem the author portrays she may feel “grief by how slow the body is to realize. You are not coming back.” This also shows that the author felt sorrow for the rabbit after she realized it was dead and not coming back.

Why So Slow

While reading the book of poetry 180 more the poem “Slow Children at play” stood out and sparked my curiosity. The author of this poem could be a man or a woman.  The poem has a great deal of mystery because the author leaves you wanting to know more. The end of the poem states “. . . These are my children, thinking, where is their dinner? Where has their father gone?” My thoughts about this poem were that it was about children and their home life. Or was the poem about a bad mother? Did something happen to the father?  Did this mother lose her husband, and now cannot afford to feed her children. This was interesting that the narrator leaves it up to the reader to have several perspectives about the poem.  Is this poem about the children or is the poem about a mother who is realizing she has neglected her children and husband? This poem stuck out to me the most because it left you with the unknown, we do not know why the father is missing, and we do not know why the children are slow.

In addition, the first stanza in the poem states, “All the quick children have gone inside. . .” This depicts that the quick children go inside to eat dinner and spend time with their family. I think maybe the slow children do not have a good home. Or maybe the slow children have an abusive mother, who does not cook for her children. While reading this poem over and over I still have the same thought that the slow children come from a dysfunctional upbringing. The quick children have a good home with a caring mother; on the other hand the slow children do not. The quick kids are in a hurry to go inside their homes, and the slow children take their time. Maybe the slow children do not want to go home? Maybe their home is a nightmare full of neglect and mistreatment. While reading the poem I am puzzled as to why the narrator leaves you asking what happened to the father.  Did this mother lose her husband, and now she cannot afford to feed children? In the poem the poet calls the mother of the slow children slow as well. Maybe something is wrong with the mother? In the poem it states, “And their slow mothers flickering. . .”       Overall, this poem leaves the reading wondering why the poet left out so much information. This poem is different because the narrator leaves out what happened to the father? Also what is wrong with the children’s mother?  Why are the slow children not like the quick children? Do the quick children have a loving home with a mother and a father? The poem has several aspects you can look at, maybe this is a mother just now realizing she has not been the best mother to her children, or maybe she is not financial stable to take care of her kids? It leaves the reader with their own idea of why the slow children are slow and, the quick children are quick.

Clear View

While reading the novel Stitches: a Memoir by David Small, I realized that it is human nature to find inner peace while dealing with hard times and dysfunction. People have different ways of dealing with their hardship. As a result they become stronger individuals. In this book the character David finds his voice after losing it. Throughout David’s life he lived with his mother who had a mental illness and grew up in a dysfunctional household. David’s mother and father neglected and deceived him by not informing him that he had cancer. Thinking he was only going in for surgery to remove a cyst, he later discovered that it was thyroid cancer. Both of his parents kept his cancer a secret; however David was finally able to see the reality of his situation after battling his cancer.        

There were a couple of aspects in the book that caught my attention from the secretive nature and silence characteristics of Betty (David’s mother), the abusive and violent environment David lived in, and David’s use of art and imagination as forms of escape. Davids’ dysfunction allowed him to undergo self discovery and find his inner voice. This trapped my interest because it shows that the trials and disappointments of life give us the strength to be able to change.

In addition, David’s mother Betty also captured my attention with her strange parenting skills and quiet personality. Betty’s silent and secretive lifestyle leads David to discover his mother’s true identity, allowing him to choose a different path in life. Betty was far from a good mother, she did not show love and affection to her children. Betty was a mysterious woman battling a mental illness passed down by her mother. She never explained her mental illness or the reason for her madness so she would voice her anger by slamming kitchen cabinets and coughing. I believe she would slam the kitchen cabinets to relieve some of her built up anger. Never explaining to David what was really wrong caused him to grow up a confused and awkward child. He would escape his mother’s mental breakdowns by getting lost in his imagination to break away from the hostile environment. In addition to her mental illness and extreme outburst Betty was also living a secret life as a lesbian. Secretly having a relationship with her friend Mrs. Dillon, caused David to feel confused and betrayed. Finally, her odd behavior started to make sense to me; she was living a lie and she was unhappy with her life. Betty was born with her heart on the opposite side of her chest maybe that caused her to be a cold hearted woman? After finding out his mother was really lesbian and overcoming his own struggle with thyroid cancer, David slowly started putting the pieces to his puzzled life together.  Although David was following in his mother and grandmothers footsteps with the mental illness, in the end David chose his own path not to follow in his mothers footsteps.

Creative Energy

I channeled my creative energies as a child by swimming, participating in sports, and watching Disney movies. I some used these activities to escape the wild environment I lived in with my older siblings. As a child and still as an adult I love the outdoors and the water! I spent most of my summers at the pool or at the lake. My mom worked ten to twelve hour days at the hospital, so I spent a lot of time at the pool hanging out with my friends. My mom would drop me off at the local aquatic center on her lunch break and pick me up when she got off of work. Swimming shaped my life by keeping me busy and sometimes keeping me out of trouble. While at the aquatic center I loved to race the other kids from one side of the pool to the other. Sometimes I would imagine that I was being chased by sharks or piranhas, hoping it would help me swim faster. Now to this day I enjoy going to the gym and swimming laps in the pool. I swim now for exercise but in a way swimming continues to help with stress and releasing my restless energy. I love the water and it still and always will be an outlet for me.

 Another way I channeled my creative energies as a child was through sports such as softball and basketball. Playing sports helped me channel my creative energies by teaching me discipline and how to work as a team. Also sports shaped my life by teaching me how to accomplish a common goal by working together as a team. Participating in softball and basketball kept me active and out of trouble as a child. I believe sports helped me become more productive with my time and energy. Sports helped me release some of my built up tension and helped me go into my own competitive world. Playing the sports that I love helped me direct most of my passionate energy into a positive goal.  Now of days I do not play sports as much but, I sometimes shoot around on the basketball court at the gym. Even then I zone out while shooting three pointers reminiscing on old basketball games.

Finally, the last way I channeled my creative energies as a child was by watching Disney movies. When I was not outside or playing sports I was inside watching Disney movies such as, The Lion King, Pocahontas, and Bambi. While watching these Disney movies I would daydream and sometimes lose myself in the movie. I would imagine that I was in the film as a specific character; most of the time the main character. When my house would get hostile with all of my rowdy brothers and their friends that is when I would sneak off and watch my Disney movies. Each Disney movie I would watch I would get lost imagining that I was Pocahontas or Simba from the Lion King. I loved to get lost in every movie forgetting about reality and my crazy house hold.